This dress was meant to end up on your floor
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
