You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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