I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
