Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
