I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
