I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
