Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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