You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
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