Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
