And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
