I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
