Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
