i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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