I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
