she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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