I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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