four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
