I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
