I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
