stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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