Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
