Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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