Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
