An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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