She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Man, jail baloney is awful.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
