there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
