remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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