i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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