DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
