You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
