I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i love accidental penises.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
