Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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