if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Randomize
