i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
