Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
