the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
