I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
