No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
