this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
