To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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