nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Randomize
