you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
