you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
