I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
