this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
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