i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
