You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
