Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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