bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
