I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Randomize
