it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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