it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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