my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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