I wanna passion pit in your ass
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
