I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
