I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I just forgot I was standing up.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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