I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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